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Well that was fun. And now I’ll take some time off from dating sites. There’s more to write about. Just remember–our disappointments are better sooner rather than later. Thanks for checking in. Please read around the site and share.

Post 7: Write Him a Lovely Message

I rarely hear from a guy who lives within 15 miles of me AND posts a picture AND is less than 35 pounds overweight AND I could even start a cup of coffee with. I know, these items wouldn’t seem to form such an insurmountable hurdle, but they do. And then the messages from these fella’s … well maybe they have a different definition of lovely than I do. These guys give clear signs that they haven’t read any part of my profile. At worst they’re evil scammers. At their most innocuous they’re probably drunk and lonely.

Post 6: Are you an Asshole?

Most of these [Google] results were asshole tests—no we’re not talking hemorrhoid diagnostics. I guess people need to find out if they are assholes. I mean that seems natural; I know plenty of assholes and I don’t think they know they qualify.

Post 5: Your Profile

Guitar man? There are lots of them. Subtext? “I never grew up? I have no money? I’m an independent spirit–code-name: groovy misogynist?” The guitar is at least a woman-shaped object in his arms.

New Series! The Blessed Disappointment and Post 2

I’m trying to think what is the progression of these questions. Let me take a stab at it: 1) Do you like to be scared by fake strange things happening in familiar places? 2) Do you want to try out possibly strange things happening in unfamiliar places (like reality?) 3) Do you want to throw away everything familiar to encounter real danger in real time without a net, while cramped, stinky and covered in sunscreen.

Post 1 New Series on Online Dating: the 2014 edition

As a serial online dater I’ve learned to recognize the open-mouthed flakiness, announced kinkiness, ferocity, moodiness, unreliability, poor judgment, narcissism and financial disastrophy of prospective dates as gifts to me. Should I be angered by the man with the fun-loving, gentle profile when he happens to call an hour before our appointed coffee date to [...]


In afterglow, electricity shoots across my shoulder blades, through my throat and right between my eyes. Each release expands my spirit, touching even the tiniest of polite encounters with strangers. It strokes more significant connections and my desires for the people of my life.

Oh, You Rogue!

You can teach an old car new tricks. When I moved to Portland, I bought my first car: a perfect green (perfectly ugly) Rambler Rogue. I paid $1000 for a car that ran almost perfectly for years. I spoiled her faded, matronly body by plunging it into a small yellow truck in a residential intersection. [...]

Love: according to experts

Love beyond the bursting of passion in each artery wall and sticky bit of skin, love past the years, love over fifty, love through the dark times—that lasting, longed-for, whole adult love—must be generous. It cannot demand more than it gives; it cannot measure the gift.

Balancing on My Heart

In those days, my body’s insistent desire came from the fear of alone-ness: am I undesired and undesirable? But longing, no–not longing. All the love and affection seemed dried up and blown away. After all those futile attempts to make the marriage work there was no more fantasy left.