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Post 3 Your Profile Picture

like-a-hole-in-my-headHe’s not going to post a baaaaaad picture of himself, is he? We all have a camera, selfie is a word now, everyone is going to post something rather flattering. (And there is a difference between flattering and deceptive. Your photo might hide that extra 50 pounds but chances are, you cannot. Fit…right.) Or am I wrong…?

A picture should show your face
It’s not everybody’s best feature but hey, it’s what we expect to see: Your Face. Not a Koala Bear’s face. Skipping the Koala, if your photo is primarily of your hair, your car, your dog, or your arm/shoulder cutting across your face, I will probably think you have something to hide. I mean who wouldn’t post a nice picture of their face unless:
• They are painful to look at.
• They’re married.
• They can’t be bothered to take the time to figure out how this place/thing works.

So let’s start with the last topic. Maybe you can’t be bothered thinking about how you might present yourself and make use of this site. Then I can’t really be bothered with you–please don’t message me. Presenting your profile and a photo and answering a few basic questions seems a relatively small and thoughtful step.

Or maybe you are Clever McCleverbuddy I’ll have a whole rant reserved just for you. But let me introduce you to my other readers. You are soooooo cool you can’t provide any useful honest information in your profile because you just can’t imagine that anyone would take this frivolous piece of self-promotion seriously and besides, you’re so cool we’re all going to fall in love with your wit.

You’re right, the profile is a silly superficial thing, but it’s what we’ve got. It should be sort of fun and interesting to show that you’re a fun and interesting guy. But if you have to use so many words to show off how clever you are–making stuff up and flaunting your vocabulary–you have very effectively told me that you just want to impress me with your cleverness and will probably continue that sort of behavior every time I see you. Remember, The Most Interesting Man in the World commercials are spoofs. They feature an actor at work and his job is to look and sound cool so you’ll laugh and buy beer. Got beer? Good. Got over yourself? Not so much? Oh wait, another blessed disappointment. Thank you. I’m making my own coffee, now.

Your car, cycle, dog, etc.
I have no objections to pictures of you on your Harley or in front of your Taurus with the dog tied to the roof rack. That’s just truth in advertising. But a photo of just the car/dog/cycle? That says to me “I’m already in love with my car/dog/cycle and probably don’t have time for you” (meaning me.) That may be your purpose. Ok, I’ve been informed.

What’s up with the women in those photos?
It always seems weird, right? I mean you’re looking for a girlfriend. So then I have to think, who is this person? Someone who didn’t expect to have her face on a national dating site, I bet. Ewww… right?

Double Ewww if she’s a minor. What were you thinking? Clearly nothing.

Less Ewww and kind of sweet if she’s your mom. But then again, I’ve done Mommy issues. Never mind.

Maybe-not-totally Ewww if you think the only good picture you have of yourself is in a tux at your daughter’s wedding. I can imagine that. But my, what a lot of work you put me through just trying to figure out why I don’t have to write you off as creepy.

Married
A fair number of people on OKC are married. That is to say, the fair number are the people who tell you they’re married in their profile. Who knows how many are married and don’t mention it. Reveal.I live in a town with a huge polyamorous community. But I’m guessing that’s not you if you don’t have a picture up because you’re married.

Still no photo and you’re not uglier than sin or married? Don’t have a friend who can snap a picture of you? Make a friend. That’s a lot more important than a date.