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Post 7: Write Him a Lovely Message

like a hole in my head sqThat’s what OK Cupid invites me to do when I’m looking at his profile. It always makes me think about those unlovely messages I might send. (Oh no! I would never. Just in my li’l ol’ evil mind.)

And then I think about the messages I get. I rarely hear from a guy who lives within 15 miles of me AND posts a picture AND is less than 35 pounds overweight AND I could even start a cup of coffee with. I know, these items wouldn’t seem to form such an insurmountable hurdle, but they do. And then the messages from these fella’s … well maybe they have a different definition of lovely than I do.

It would be nice if my first impression of a person wasn’t SEXIST PIG. Mind you, that’s not a term I use lightly. In fact, it’s not even a term I use. If I have to think that term it’s a sure sign to back away. So when this quadruple loser guy starts his message with sweetie or cutie or some food description of that ilk, I cringe. And delete. Immediately.

As a member of this sandbox, you have to realize that a lot of these unsolicited messages are scams. And I understand—a Nigerian Prince doesn’t have to learn how to spell—s/he only needs one letter in a million to hit and I’m not his or her type. So how would I know if someone is trying to scam me on OKC? When I don’t respond to the message, the sender usually disappears—as in up-in-smoke, within two weeks. I’d never respond to someone out of area and it says that right on my profile. These guys give clear signs that they haven’t read any part of that profile. At worst they’re evil scammers. At their most innocuous they’re probably drunk and lonely.

Often these folks are age-inappropriate. For me, that’s anyone under 50. So those 26 year olds in Bumfuck California—or Plano—or Gloucestershire— MESSAGE DELETED. Maybe his OKC screen say “Send her a nauseating message.” What a nice idea.

But here’s the real question. When I send him a lovely message, why doesn’t he respond? What awful OK Cupid sins am I guilty of?

I can think of a few: I’m in my late 50s; I’m under 5’6”; I sound artsy. I’ve been to grad school. (I did leave it vague. No sense advertising that it was law school. Egads.) And then I think there’s a general fatigue that sets in as you look at the site. Really? Could it be worth it? What’s the chance… Let’s see what’s in my Netflix cue.