In unconnected hours face-to-face, drenched in the ice-water of failed intimacy, alone finally becomes loneliness. My strong right-side withered under worm-eaten embraces, preoccupied hearts, and habitual sex.
The life she crafts—unconsciously and with fierce determination—is Goddess at her core. She is that composite we never really see in our lifetime, that we often don’t trust to be there—that vast well-spring we might not even dare to be. But we are here, anyway, in spite of ourselves or with calculated assertion.
The others were already through their first round of lemon drops by the time I got there. The late rush hour was aggravated by sprinkles. After two months of sun, Portlanders were indulging their habit of collective amnesia for rainy-weather-driving. I avoided the candy drinks and took on the bottle of wine that would take [...]
I cannot divine the organizational scheme of the application instructions. I read over and over and each time it feels like the first time–and that’s not in a good way. But they are explicit. As soon as I’m done stapling the original and seven copies I read them once more :“paper-clipped two sided copies.” Now [...]
There I stood on that dirty little remilitarized zone between “I want to know the dirt” and “You shouldn’t be telling me this.” Most students had already left the class when the teacher started to unload her tale of lousy conditions, lack of supervision, neglect, and long-term pay stagnation. I’ve had my complaints with this [...]
Why don’t I mark the anniversary of the last time I laughed so hard my stomach hurt? We do mark happy anniversaries. I’m pretty good about remembering birthdays, even half-birthdays and I’ve been known to be rather creative in extending even further (I once gave a very successful 33 1/3 birthday surprise.) With the crush [...]
I left a work session at the shore-side outdoor kitchen of a swanky suburb and drove to Costco, where I would join in the American hobby of buying too much stuff. I felt a little funny turning off the careful analysis of why our stock market was crashing and the Euro community was convulsing. It [...]
She was no longer a staff problem but, rather, a staff favorite. She turned her annoying judgments based on people’s looks and clothes into a non-stop stream of compliments to the female staff.
I saw her again. This time I was able to notice the tattoos sprinkled along her neck, shoulders and arms: stars and such as I might strew upon a child’s birthday cake. And there HE is, Karl Marx, reminding me of his brilliant 19th century thought frosted with so much 20th century disappointment. This calf [...]
In those days, my body’s insistent desire came from the fear of alone-ness: am I undesired and undesirable? But longing, no–not longing. All the love and affection seemed dried up and blown away. After all those futile attempts to make the marriage work there was no more fantasy left.