Miriam Feder

I studied which sweater you’d like,
what’s for breakfast, when to ask and not.
Important lessons never right enough.
I was eliminated from the next round.

You’re filled too, if you paid attention.
Note: Ritter chocolate, Asiatic lilies.
Should we discard streaky windows
or recycle them for a new heart?

I studied which sweater you’d like,
what’s for breakfast, when to ask and not.

Pity the next ones stirring rubble.
I’m tired and despairing of a whole-heart love.
Who would sort my scabs and scars?
Could I open bones filled with secrets?

All that energy scibbered away.
It sprung me: toss it in or let it out?
Maybe I could have spent it better
making something to hold onto…a nice pot.

I studied which sweater you’d like,
what’s for breakfast, when to ask and not.

Opportunity—what about those misses.
Don’t say “each love is a classroom …
You’ll get there when you’re ready.”
Whatever could that look like?

Love—soured, spat out and washed away,
beats safety, footing and progress.
Messy windows, crusty scabs, fossil-habits
stumble broken hearts along.

I studied which sweater you’d like.

I imagined talking to my former lover’s new squeeze.  How frustrating that she was so worried about all the wrong things and missing the best he had to offer.  If only I could tell her…but of course, no.

Also in print

 

 Making a Lover [1:38m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (74)

I’ve come back to this very romantic piece for Valentine’s Day.

We barely knew each other, but it was time to celebrate his birthday. So I suggested a trip to the coast? What location held more promise, energy, escape?

The atmosphere was so charged just checking into the hotel. I hadn’t checked into a hotel with a man other than my ex in over 20 years. There was a king sized bed, a hot tub, and him and me and hours and hours of us.

Just after midnight we finally dragged ourselves out of bed and down to the beach. I’d heard something about the Leonid meteor shower. No one would count on a clear sky at Cannon Beach, but there it was, black velvet sparkled with stars everywhere– and then they started to fly. They shot from the foreground to the background, across the sky in wild arcs, low to high and back again. They fired at Haystack Rock in the Pacific. The trusty monument was surprised to hand over its glory to the coastal sky, finally free of her chinchilla stole and busy staging the best light-show in the world.

The half-dozen of us strung across the wide beach bonded in ecstatic exclamations. We spun around dizzily to catch the action. The sky wasn’t still for a moment. My birthday boy knew all the constellations by name, distance, and location. He was a fabulous guide to our sparkled travels that evening: twisting, turning and gasping in the excitement of it all. Some hours later, we finally gave it up, although the show went on and on.

I learned since that nature does not speak in signs, metaphors, allegories or favorites. That brilliant display had nothing to do with our brilliance, suitability, or the destiny of our love, however much I wanted to believe it. Romance, like everything else, looks for confirmation. And what could be better than this amazing night with my star stud. It was fantastic and for awhile, it sparkled our shiniest points.

 

 Star Stud [2:54m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (109)

The bittersweet heart isn’t a downer. It’s focusing it’s lens on “love past the bursting of passion in each artery wall and sticky bit of skin. Love past the years–that lasting, longed-for, whole adult love…”

About Love is a gift book and a 40 minute show that tours easily. Here are some pictures from the February debut at HipBone Studio in Portland.

Can you go back into a relationship? Can you process out of a relationship? Maybe–maybe not. Doing anything constructive with love seems to be a bit dicey, but worth the try…These are 2 short Haikus–Love Retroactive and Love Lost, but not Forgotten, from About Love:the bittersweet heart, debutting February 22 in Portland.

 

 Love that Was: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (127)

Sometimes we’re our own worst enemy. That’s not just an old adage. It’s time to stop rejecting the stuff inside (and outside) us and to stop internalizing all that other “rejection” we may run across. Rejection is from Big Words. It’s featured in the book About Love; the bittersweet heart,
now available for Holiday Delivery.

 

 Rejection: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (96)

Some pieces needed re recording for the new site and this is one of them. This is part of my book–About Love: the bittersweet heart. This was my most downloaded piece from the old site. For me, the feel of this piece has changed quite a bit as I’ve gone further down the road with this project.

 

 Balancing on My Heart: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (107)

Such a sweet whirlwind. From the collection Big Words

 

 Passion: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (100)

We are works in progress and we’ve been through the mill a few times. Hopefully, each love builds upon the last. From The Continuum

 

 Making a Lover: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (92)

Cosmic fireworks. Did the stars move for you? From Continuum, a new collection.

 

 Star Stud: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (82)